I take back my word.

All I want to say is I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you~

I love you dear =)

Rant rant rant

From now, Im going to concentrate on finding my part time job. I dont want to wait anymore. I already delay it for a month just for a stupid reason that I dont know when its going to happen, and now I dont want to care. Im going to stop neglecting myself just for the sake of people around me. I want to get a job as fast as possible, get the money, shopping, saving and if God willing me, Im going to step into student world again, try my very best to score. Graduate, find a permanent job. Make a lot of good money, be somebody and marry a good man.

Oh God please give me enough time to achieve all those. I still got lots of things to do. I really hope 2012 is just a pure Mayan myth. I still have lots of dream..

Im not playing with my words

When I said to you Im depressed, means Im really depressed. If I told you Im eating sleeping pills, means I really eat those pills, in fact Im actually sick right now because I started loose my appetite and skip meals. When I said I need to talk, means I really need to talk. When I say I miss you, means I really miss you. Everytime I said I love you means I really love you. This 3 words I strictly only said for people that I got my heart on.

Dear, I want you to know that I never joke with my words, I never play with those word just to grab your attention. I really mean it. It hurt me when you never respond for all that I said. It puzzled me when you asked me to stop asking so much question. I asked with my reasons. I asked cos of ur moody attitude that leads you to your ignorance. It hurt me when you signing out without telling me as if Im invisible. It hurt me a lot. Honestly speaking I never feel as hurt as this before. Sometimes I really hope if you read all this, because I know you wont listen to this crap when you are inside your own cave.

My only strength for you is when you still say yes answering do-you-love-me questions. I do really hope u really mean it. And if you dont need my companion anymore in your life, just tell me nicely. I know it will hurt me deeply but playing hide and seek will hurt me as deep as well.

I dont know how many more should I cry. My eyes already swollen right now and my head is dizzy. I pity myself for having to go through all this shity stuff in relationship. My previous was shitty enaugh, so I want this time to be sweet. I guess I already tried my best.

I envy my friends who got a lovey dovey bf. You girls are lucky. While mine is.. you got your own aura which I cant explain. But I just hope you dont have pms everyweek and sometimes everyday. Im tired to deal with it. Please do care my feelings.

I shall stop soon cos Im seriously dizzy now. I ate some pills to put me in sleep, so I guess thats the reason.

And for my dearest Jaycee, you are old enough to think wad have you done to this weak girl here. You admit your mistake, but only admit isnt enaugh, it should came with an action to cure everything, not just keep repeating the same thing. Dont expect me to swallow all the shit u give me. Maybe I should give you some break to think. You cant continuously abusing me like this.

Last but not least, I still love you regardless of all things that you done to me. I know people might called me stupid, but wadever, maybe I am..

Till then, goodnight.

I love you

Just want to say, that, I love you. I dunno since when but..yeah..

I love you.

Today I see something..

..which I dont know how should I feel about it. Should I feel sad? Should I feel angry? Should I feel upset? should I feel JEALOUS? or should I just feel neutral about it. But one thing that I sure is I cannot feel happy for the thing that I see. And also I can feel the scar is aching. Maybe I still havent recover to the fullest.

well..I guess nothing I can do other than just let it be..

I am sleepy....

...when I write this post. But I feel I need to say something, or else I might end up of keep thinking and think and think and that might disturb my dream for tonight (>.<)
Today is already Thursday..left two days before my registration day for my degree. I feel so nervous, well ..since it has been awhile since I left my world of study. But at the same time I feel happy too, mainly is because I got a chance to create a better me, and partially is because it will help me to forget my recent problem.

Yea, my recent problem which is about relationship which is not really a 'real' relationship. Few weeks ago I decided to 'let go' someone's hand which I already hold for 2 years. I actually dont want too, but I think I got no choice, because if I still holding on, my heart might be continuously smash up. Even the person ask me not to do so at 1st.. but for me there is no point to continue because it will only invite more tears.

At the beginning I was really sad, as I lost 3 things at the same time. I lost a place to lean my heart. a person who I always spent my time and share my hobby with and also I feel like I lost a friend. But now Im fine with the 2 lost, as my heart can learn how to stand by it self. I also not really fond into the hobby that I used to do with tht person before. But I feel a bit sad for the part that I lost a friend.

Today, someone who I can say the main cause of the things that happened give suggestion whether 3 of us can do what we always do, but this time together ie 3 of us become friends. Well...I just say to her maybe can. But in my heart I wonder whether I really can face it or not.
Seeing a person who we used to stick together but now stick with another person is not really a good scene right? I dunno..maybe it will make me feel that I actually not lost the person completely and it will make me stop holding grudge on anyone, but..ugh I really dont know what should I feel about this.

Maybe, like most of people out there always said, I should just let time heal it all..

Sometimes..

Sometimes you make me smile..
Sometimes you make me sad..
Sometimes you make me laugh..
Sometimes you make me cry..
Sometimes you make me sweet..
Sometimes you make me down..
Sometimes I feel that you are for real..
But sometimes I feel you are just a fake plastic..
Sometimes I wish you to stay far away from me.
But I end up missing you after that..
Sometimes I hate you so much..
But.. sometimes I want to say that I love you..
My sweet candy and ice cold..

lol what the crap am I wrote here (*_*)